Episode 90: Boundaries & Business: How to Stay Sane and Make Bank

Sep 9

Gratitude allows us to get out of the dangerous neighborhood between our two ears. It helps us get out of this space and into this forward space. Gratitude is a weapon, it's a sword, but it's also a cane. No matter what circumstance we go for and we go through, if we're grateful for what we already have, then it's easier to weather the storm.

Kat Roedell is an inspirational speaker and strategist with a BS in management and information technologies and currently working on her MBA in leadership. She has over 30 years of experience in corporate and government sectors, and she left her full-time position as an enterprise architect over nine years ago to embark on the incredible journey of entrepreneurship.

She currently helps her clients in the areas of business growth and mindset changes. She is a wealth of information and wisdom on change management, a subject matter expert, a subject matter expert for workforce and workload management, and understands how personal growth and development affect people and organizations.

She has a strong passion for building community and giving back and helping those in need. Which I definitely felt through her book, five powerful tools for personal growth. I am delighted to welcome her to the show Kat. Welcome to prospecting on purpose. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate being invited on and I enjoy talking with you every time.

So, I'm excited for our conversation today too. I really, um, before we, I want to get into the book a little bit and talk about the 5 powerful tools, but before we do that, Your bio is interesting to me because it pulls from a lot of different things that almost feel like they shouldn't go together. The corporate and government, enterprise architect, now change management, personal growth.

So tell us a little bit about your background and then the type of work that you do with your clients now. I um, I started working an insurance company when I was 19 years old. Um, and I was file clerk and had to run through all the, all the departments. And I have a very non-traditional background. Once I outgrew that job, I went and I worked for a small company as an office assistant.

Um, two weeks later, I was looking for a new job because he didn't pay me. Yeah. The normal traditional stuff. So I always did a lot of temporary work, especially in the early 80s and 90s in California. So a lot of high tech it going on at that time, and I worked in every single department. Of a business that you could work on.

I was in the production floor. I was in and I got this really broad-based understanding of how business operated at the high level because I'm a high-level person. I'm also a detail person. So I bridged that gap. Once I did that. Whenever I worked anywhere, I always figured out the fastest way to do something, the slowest way to do something, the most, every iteration of how you could do it because I get bored so easily.

And that led me to refining systems, to taking down the process and figuring out what is a better way to do this thing. And that has always gone with me everywhere I go. I walk in excellence. I try to operate in excellence. And I merged that with being able to communicate to other people, how that happens.

And if we have communication, this like, I wanted to be a communication major, right. And I realized that that was just marketing in business speak. And that wasn't what I was looking for. I was actually looking for the connection between people so that we can understand each other. 1 on 1 and then also scale it up so that we could understand ourselves at the high level.

And that's kind of where I come from, how I merged them all together. Those experiences came up, I learned how to deal with them and then. I'm a natural teacher. So I just would start to, to put them into lessons for people and train them. And as the enterprise architect, I took really ugly pictures and really ugly systems, and I made them beautiful by simplifying them and organizing them.

So that's kind of like the whole. Just of who I am is take the really complex, make it simple, make it executable, have the, the metrics and quality standards that you need to have alongside of it. So you can really flow. And I do that for business. And I also do it for individuals. So when I'm mentoring somebody, those.

Those areas come more into the 5 powerful tools, because we have to personally grow. Well, I liked your comment about, well, I loved walking in excellence and working in excellence. I think that's something we should all strive to do. So I loved that language. And then I also enjoyed, you said, you know.

Taking all of those pieces and dispelling it in a way where you're communicating to others. And I think that that in itself is a really unique skill because the ability to see everything, but compile it into something that's digestible for someone who maybe doesn't have all the eyes on it or their brain doesn't think that way.

I think that's very cool. And I, I know that I know a little bit about that background. I feel like the five powerful tools makes more sense. So let's talk a little bit about like what, or excuse me. Now that I have, let me just start that over cap because I don't want to say it makes more sense. But, um, now that I know your background, I feel like that really ties together the 5 powerful tools.

So intentionally. So let's talk a little bit about, like, what do you consider the 5 powerful tools? Like, what are your 5 powerful tools? So my five powerful tools are forgiveness, prayer, boundaries, accountability, and gratitude. And in the book, each chapter has exercises to teach you how to use those tools, not just talk about them, because we hear a lot of talk, but to get down to the tangible tactics of how do I do this.

That's what that book is about. Yeah. And that's why I wanted to have you on the show cap because when you and I met you gave me an exercise to do and it was such a like, like, uh, you know, like a slap in the forehead. I was like, oh, this was a interesting way to look at it. So it's interesting to look at your enterprise architecture background and, and, you know, translate it through the book.

So I want to talk about a couple of the tools too, because, you know, this is, you know, A business podcast. And when you think about forgiveness and business, those two words aren't always used, but I was reading it and I kept thinking about opportunities where I was probably unfairly, you know, needing to forgive other people, whether it was a boss, a teammate, a client, myself.

So I'd love to talk a little bit about forgiveness and, um, kind of some of the tools that you package in, in that concept of forgiveness. Yeah, so the first part about forgiveness is you're not doing it for the other person. You don't have to be ready to forgive somebody emotionally because you are not letting them off the hook By forgiving them, you are not, you're not redressing or addressing what they've done in your life.

What you're doing is saying. You don't have any room in my head anymore. I'm not going to give you any power over me anymore. And you know, in the biology and how our brains work, when we say something out loud, our brain starts to hear it and activate it and it, it listens to what we say and it doesn't always hear the word not, so I will not do this.

It doesn't hear that, but so when we framework what we need to do, And we say it explicitly out loud, then. Our brain starts to work on it. So in order to forgive people, you have to expressively say out loud, and I practice radical forgiveness. So when I hear something, I might even think I might dwell on later and take the heart.

I just say, when I walk out the door and there's nobody around me, so, you know, nobody thinks I'm nuts. Just say, I forgive such and such a person. I release the offense. That they may have caused me, I feel healing to my soul. And when we do that, we're saying, I'm not going to take on what you, you just tried to put on me, whether or not it's real or imagined, that really doesn't matter because our brain, again, huge power in, in our mindsets and if we have been taught.

That nobody is for us and everybody is against us and we follow this rejection and we hold on to it. It will, it will ripple through our entire professional career and you'll, you know, those people you've talked to those people you hear, oh, It's not the right environment to do sales. I can't do this. And nobody listens to me and nobody wants this.

And the truth is, is they've taken their personal rejection over the years that they haven't dealt with and they've extrapolated into, this is my professional environment. Nobody's going to take my product. Nobody wants what I have to offer. Nobody is going to just see what I have to give because, and they'll run through the little litany in their head of all these background experiences from childhood, from adulthood, from, you know, even from the work area.

But what most people don't realize is that most of this is not personal. Everybody loose in their head. Right. And somebody that can be mean and nasty to you today might be nice to you tomorrow. They were mean and nasty because they were having a bad day. Right. And it was never personal. Now, there are people that manipulate and control and are narcissists, but even that's not personal.

Right. They're just using you to get their supply. Interesting. And I think that's where you start to tie in the other tools on how to help manage that. And I liked what you said about, Um, saying things out loud or speaking things out loud helps our brain work on it. Like, I loved the, I released the offense.

I forgive so and so or I forgive that situation. I think that that's really powerful. And maybe that leads us to the tool of boundaries, because I think that's something that is a different tool to help us Create an environment, or maybe we're putting us in the best-case scenario to not get personally rejected.

And I liked that. So tell us a little bit about boundaries. I guess what are they and why do people struggle with them? Um, what they are is ways of framing our relationship with people and keeping things. Things in check, so there are people in our life, and we might be a person in life that runs over other people that connects too fast that, um, that they feel that they're more important than anybody else.

There's all sorts of ways that boundaries can get violated. The core of having a boundary is knowing who you are and what you are and what your purpose is. And then if you know those things, you can start to evaluate the person or the circumstance that comes up. In my book, I talk about assistive boundaries and personal boundaries.

And then there's a nice little role play at the end where you get to be either the boundary breaker or the boundary maker. So you get to practice it. Um, but my philosophy is, is if I have An assistive boundary, for example, somebody wants me to help them. I have to evaluate that before I just say yes. I have to learn how to say no, because I only have a limited amount of time and a limited amount of things that I'm supposed to work.

So that's my purpose, right? My passion. So, When we evaluate for an assistive boundary, is it my purpose? If it's not my purpose, that's a big old note, right? Is it my passion? Again, if it's not my passion, I'm not going to put everything into it that I should, you know, is it my place? Should I be here? Does it add to my resource stream?

And will I find it fun? Because if we're not operating in joy, we shouldn't be doing things. Yeah. I have you write down the answers to each of those questions because once you've established a boundary, there may be this place where a honeymoon period comes back again. Somebody love bombs you or you believe.

Oh, this is so much better. So when I have those written down, if. I come up to this period. I can reread the reasons why I made the decision that I made Instead of shutting down my head and saying oh, no, it's okay. This person really didn't mean that You know some people mean that yeah, some people just behave badly and with assistive boundaries Especially it's usually this strong leader that has a mission and a purpose and a passion, but they don't want to share They just want to delegate So they don't want to collaborate with you.

They want to control you. So an assistive boundary is when someone else is asking you something that may require your time and help and support. And then you had listed passions, like, is this in alignment with my passions? My purpose? Is it fun? Will I have fun doing it? Does it add to my resource stream?

And then I think you had one more. Is it my place in my place? Okay. That's really helpful because I think that I feel the same way. Like, I have opportunities come to me. I have people ask me for favors and having a guardrail system to help walk you through. Yes. Is this a yes or no? I think what's nice about that too, Kat, is it helps you stand firmly in your no, if it is indeed a no, because it's like, Hey, exactly.

All my things don't line up here. There's lack of alignment. It's not a fit. You can say no. I think that's really helpful. Right. And I define no as not obligated, not owning it and not optional. Okay. Ooh, I like that. That's like triple threat. I had to learn to say no. Because I was taking on everything and I was allowing people in that I should have been saying no to.

And you know, because I wasn't valuing myself, I, I would allow other people to run over me because I've got a very compassionate heart. I really want people to grow and heal and to be loved. But I wasn't doing that for myself. I wasn't giving myself the space for that. And once I did lots of huge things started to come up and I could find more focus and more flow.

Um, I say If it adds to your resource stream for a very specific reason is it isn't just is this going to give me monetary things. If I'm adding to my resource stream, then I'm stronger than if I'm always pulling off. It's a, it's a river in the tributaries, right? If you're feeding into the river, it gets wider.

It gets deeper. It gets. Faster if you're always flowing off of the river, it's going to lower down and it's going to have less speed and it's going to have less impact and it's not, it's going to get to places, but it's not going to, it's not going to be focused and getting to places. So we have to add to our resource stream, because then we can do all these weird things that don't look like that connected.

And we can put them all together and, you know, like, I like to face paint kids faces. I'm a business consultant. What am I doing face painting, but it adds to my resource stream because it connects with me and it lets me give something back without costing the entire amount physically, you know. You know, it's funny.

Um, I love the river analogy too. Like, is this adding to my powerful river or is it like a sidestream Creek that's just going to detract? Um, but kind of like things, and this is why we want to talk about personal growth and development on this show is because it gives us the foundation to do bigger things in business.

But one thing I was thinking about the other day is I really like to. Like send thank you gifts or thank you cards and it is time-consuming. Like it's time-consuming to write cards. It's time-consuming to like run to the mailbox and ship things. But I was thinking about the other day, like it adds so much value to me.

Like it fills up my cup. It gives, you know, obviously there's business sense behind it in some form factor, but I do it for me. In as much of the sense that I do it for the other person too. And I want to talk a little bit about gratitude too, because you so eloquently explained why gratitude is powerful for us in our journey.

So can you talk a little bit about gratitude, please, Kat? Gratitude allows us to get out of the dangerous neighborhood between our two ears. Oh my gosh, that's funny. It helps us get out of this space and into this space. This forward space, um, I wrote the chapter on gratitude, um, when I was going through an extremely difficult time, I already, when I've outlined this book, I already knew what was going to go in it.

And, you know, the outline was there for gratitude, but I ended up having to live each chapter as I was writing it. I wouldn't recommend it. So, the day my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I burned my arm. I was reaching across the stove. It, um, my flannel shirt caught fire, and I ended up in the hospital for three weeks with three skin grafts.

My goodness. Yeah, it was very traumatic. Um, the hospital is a very traumatic environment, but I woke up the second night and I'm like, really God gratitude. This is the chapter. And the chapter started to write, but right itself that gratitude is a weapon. It's a sword, but it's also a cane. And I made a decision right then and there that nobody was going to walk out of my room, feeling worse than they did when they came in, I was just going to be grateful.

That I was here and that I was protected. I was being cared for and that I had good quality care. And that seems to be a funny way to start a chapter on gratitude. But the truth is, is no matter what circumstance we go for. And we go through if we're grateful for what we already have, then it's easier to weather the storm, you know, and there's four exercises in the chapter on gratitude.

There is the 10 I am statements I am grateful for. I recommend that you write that during the time that you're not being stressed and come up with 10 at least 10 statements of what you're grateful for. Because again, The ears here, the, the brain activates. And when you say 10, I am grateful for statements, your body, your brain releases serotonin, it drops in and you start to feel better either mentally or physically.

So, but you do it in a time that you're not in crisis because crisis can tend to impact our creativity. And we start to see very. Black and white, because we're being reactive and not instead of creative and the next one would be a God box or a hope box or a rainbow box. Whatever you want to say. Anytime you're overwhelmed with something, you write it down and you put it in that box.

And then in a couple of months, you look back and you see what. What resulted from that overwhelm? You know, but you let it go. You write it down. You put it in the box. You cover that box You let it go no more worrying about it because worry will just take us to the wrong place It will make us react instead of proact again Then the next one from there is the joy jar and that's just a clear jar that Every time something good happens, you write it down on a little slip of paper and you put it in place because although our brain activates off of the sound, our eyes see growth and we start to think outside of the brain.

We start to see the visual of something because we'll tend to keep all the emergencies on our head, but we've got to see that things change and we actually have to learn that blessings come and that we acknowledge them. And we just don't forget about them in the flow of going from emergency to emergency.

And then the last 1 is speaking into other people. It's actually. Getting outside of your head physically and looking at somebody else and saying, calling out the good qualities. You know, if it has to be as simple as a compliment, I like your scarf. As long as it's authentic, it works, you know, but if you can dig deeper and see qualities in a person and call those out and say, you know, I really see how caring you are and you are so conscientious and you do such good follow through and you really have a teacher's heart.

When we speak those things into people, besides getting out of our head, we're pouring into somebody else and we're lifting them up and we begin to empower them to be in a place. I told you at the beginning of the little gratitude thing, I decided that nobody walking in my room would leave. Feeling worse within 3 days, people were just coming into my room just to get a little serotonin jolt.

Exactly. They were, they were, you know, at the end of the shift. I just wanted to check on you. Yeah, I wasn't on their list anymore. You know, what I like about that example, Kat well, 1st, I'm happy that you're okay. And then, um, me too, you know, but I'm happy that you're recovered, but. One of the things that I find really interesting about this is, like, I'm a pretty, for me personally, I'm a pretty, like, hyper, not hyper, but positive and high energy.

Like, I can maintain my high energy for a while, but I feel like when, not everyone operates that way, but when I think about Especially in a sales environment or moving business forward. People want to do business with people who leave other people energized versus drained. And I think it's very easy to drain each other, not on purpose, but we're thinking about our own agenda.

We're thinking about what we need to get out of this meeting or this sale or this widget, whatever the thing is that we're chasing. But if we can shift to a gratitude mindset, I think that instantly. Helps leave others energized, but it doesn't mean you have to be high energy. Like you can be introverted.

You can, as long as you're operating from a place of gratitude, I think that others can feel that energy. And it's a different level of establishing trust. And I think that you had said, you know, authentically, sincerely, like you said, the key words there, like it has to come from the heart, but. I love that gratitude can be a tool for people to leave other energized, even if they personally aren't like an energizer bunny type of personnel.

Right, exactly. And when it does, when you do that for other people, you actually get a charge, you know, in any. Yes. It's just wow, I just saw such and such and so and so do this now. And when I met them, they weren't capable of even going that first step. So, you know, as a mentor for people, for business people, those are the five areas I see they get most stuck in.

And when they get unstuck in that place, I've just seen some amazing things happen. You know, I've seen people go to, from, from not having any business to within Well, it takes 2 to 3 months of focused activities. So about, you know, 30, 90 days and things start to pop, but it's not that the things are popping.

That's important. It's the fact that they can. They initiated it. They instantiated it. They're working it and they've moved forward. They've gone beyond. Overwhelm into the flow. And when we can do that in our businesses by being good people, that's just amazing, you know, that, that it isn't about, uh, I always say ROI is rely on inspiration.

Ooh, I like that. It's not return on investment because. Investment is just about money or, you know, the resource that you put into it. But if we really rely on inspiration, then we're open to new possibilities and we're open to growth and we're open to pivoting when the situation calls for it. Now, that's not like, running away when we don't want to deal with something that's actually responding in a measured metered way that we're going to change direction because, you know, the quality indicators aren't there.

The metrics are showing me these things and it's time to move to another place to focus on um, and, you know, from a business standpoint. You still have KPIs, you know, we still have our key productivity indexes, but we have to have some within ourselves as well, because we're not always about business, there's a heart there and there's a purpose and there's a passion and there's motivators as well.

What motivates you to do what you are doing and how are you forming a format or shape your goals? into how you're motivated so that your goals reflect who you are and you can steam forward. I did Mary Kay for a number of years and you know, I was had team members and, but I was I was recruiting people that needed a business that they needed this in their life, but not that the business needed them.

And we heard a lot in the sales training courses, but I used to remember saying, I need people on my team who Have so much drive that they see a guy out in the field holding their favorite ice cream cone and they want it so bad they are willing to go over the fence under the bridge through the hot weather out of the shade to get their ice cream cone because that's the kind of drive you've got to have to get what you want to realize and it's okay to do that.

If it's supporting exactly who you are, it's not okay. If it's only the end goal, right? Okay. I like that a lot. And I, so we have to find our ice cream cone, find our motivation, use the five powerful tools, which are, um, accountability, gratitude, prayer boundaries, and Forgiveness. Oh, my gosh. Forgiveness. I forgive myself for getting forgiveness.

And I like how they use, you know, you kind of leverage them and use them all together. I think that that's very clever. And you are taking this and scaling this message in your keynote speeches as well. So I understand you have one around the 5 powerful tools. What other topics do you talk about? I have 3 keynote speeches right now.

I have the 5 powerful tools 1 and that can flow into a workshop. Um, then there is from human doing to human being in 6 daily steps and it gives you crafts a framework so that you can move from being a firefighter always responding to emergencies to being somebody who operates in the flow and has good balance.

Um, and I use a little character called ug. Which is fun because he's a caveman and everybody can relate to meeting your basic needs, you know. Food, water, family, you know, relationships, but how to, you know, when we have those things, but we end up, we're always fighting fires. We lose our focus on the things that are important.

So the six daily steps of starting with the source, hitting the road, um, see opening the door to the store, charge up with a creative client time. Or keep the clients and then shut down the store. Those six daily steps help you establish this framework so you can be balanced on a daily basis. And that charging up to the creative is like, like you just point, because we tend to deny ourselves that time when we have a goal or when we're always working our business.

And it's so important because. When you're charging with creative, it could be a walk in the park. It could be painting a picture or singing a song or dancing or whatever it may be, but it's time done without requirements. So, sorry, let me back up a step. So, the 6 daily habits, can you repeat them again?

Because then I want to double charging up the store or sorry, charging up the creative. Sure. It is. Start with the source, which is your six most important list in your daily time with, with, you know, your connection, your higher power, then it is hit the road, which is remove an obstacle a day. Oh, cool. Okay.

Then it is open the door to the store, which is allowing yourself to let other people know that you're around and available to do business. Hmm. I like that. You know, just like if you had a brick brick and mortar, you'd unlock the door. Right. But when we're social media, we have to do that on Facebook or however we do it.

But we got to let people know we're here because otherwise they forget about us. Then it's charged up with a creative, which is that. Unfettered creative time with no requirements, then it is keep the client, which is actually doing your, your client work or your daily work that you get paid to do, and then shut down the store, which is right out your list of the things that you need to do tomorrow.

So, when you're, you get into your priority meeting with God, you can go through your list and, you know, oh, I've got all these things to do. It's also doing any accounting that you need to do any, um. Administrative work that you should be doing on a daily basis in your business. If you're an entrepreneur or that you have to do for your job, you know, as somebody that's working for somebody else.

So. I love that. And I think that's what I like about that framework too, Kat is it just very straightforward and like easy to follow. And I like that the business is a big part of it, but it's not the. Yeah. And I love, let's talk a little bit about like, why do you have creativity in there? Because we're creative people, right?

At the heart of it all, I believe every single person has gifts and talents. And part of. Exercising your gifts and talents is learning how to be creative within them, you know, and the creativity is the true gift that, you know, I might, I, I am very creative. I've got all sorts of things. I've got paintings and I write.

And I do all these things, but the truth is that even when I was in business, I use my creativity to problem solve. I use my creativity to come up with business solutions. You know, I know what the requirement was, and then I'd work my creativity to break through and figure out what the best way to do this was.

And when we unlock our creativity in ourselves and we stop saying, no, I can't do that, then we like. Take the, the ceiling off of what we're doing. So charging up with the creativity, the creative that fills up that place, that basic need within us to, to craft something, to come up with something new, to be beyond.

And I know that there are people out there listening right now that say, well, I'm not creative at all. Just going to ask you, what do you do when people say that to you? Then take a walk. Okay. Reconnect. If you like to play sports, you're being creative when you play sports. Yes, you're following the rules, but you still have to determine how you're going to react in every single situation.

Just do it without requirements. Don't say in your head, this isn't good enough. I'm not doing this well enough. The truth is, is that just the mere fact that we're executing. Is good enough because it, again, it, if you're an extrovert, you get filled with talking to people. If you're an introvert, you get filled by spending time by yourself.

But if creative, you get filled by doing that thing that you're called to do and be, and when we are filled, then we overflow and our energy goes out to everybody and people will start to be attracted to us instead of us chasing them down. You know, you said, I think, uh, magic word in there, and I don't know if you're gonna think this is the word I'm about to say, but you talked about execution, and I think that that's something that people spend a lot of time spinning wheels or thinking about.

About they should do something, but the people that I think really excel in life and business are the ones who are able to execute. And I love the reframe of spending your creative time, even if it's going on a run or going on a walk, like you did the task, like. You check the box and I think that creates that momentum.

And I loved your analogy about how it's just like this, this energy effect where you start to attract others because they can't resist your light. And I think that's, what's really special about. Looking at personal development and how does it apply and help us in our business lives? I, you know, I could talk about this all day with you Kat, because I think you and I are aligned from like why we look at it in this way, because we've experienced the results in our own life and we want to help others have the same impact.

So I just want to thank you for, you know, putting yourself out there. And, and creating like that's, I think the best way to, to wrap that up. Like, I, I appreciate the way you be the world. I appreciate that you're putting yourself out there and doing something about it. And, um, and I want to thank you for coming on the show.

Let me, um, ask if people want to work with you or if they want to read the book, obviously I'll link everything up the show notes, but where can people find you if they want to work with you? On camera dot com, which is just very simply my name, but it will take them to my landing page and speaker stuff.

But if you drop me a note, I get in my CRM. I know that people are interested in talking to me. I reach out to them. So I do business consulting on the side that's but right now, the focal point is getting everybody into my website. So, um, okay. And then anything else that you want to leave us with before we sign off?

Walk in joy. If everything is always so overwhelming, it's not worth it. Let it go. Just walk in joy. And when you walk in joy, your light shines. And you attract so much more, but do the work, don't just say, oh, I really can't do, do the work, you know, read the book. I, I'm going to promote it because it's my book, but it's also, I have spoken to psychologists and counselors.

They're like, you hit. The five. You hit the ones that people most get stuck on. So if it's not my framework, but it's still those areas, and you find somebody else who talks even better to you, then read their books, do the work, get engaged, because life is too short to be hung up on stupid. Alright, well, I love it.

Do the work and walk in joy. Kat, thank you so much for joining us on prospecting on purpose. Thank you. I enjoyed talking with you today. Have a great day.